Hey {{ first name | there }}! Welcome back to The Flow by Flocus. If you’re new around here, welcome! 👋 You can catch up on our previous editions right here.
This week: It’s all about the emotional hangover: the storm of moodiness, exhaustion, and friction that follows life’s hardest experiences. What they look like, why they happen, and how to endure. Grab a bevvy and settle in for this hearty read. ☕️
🌀 What’s an Emotional Hangover?
The spiral that follows a triggering interaction, difficult conversation, or upsetting experience.
Emotional hangovers are usually intense. Which isn’t ideal, especially since they’re so often in response to something small (like someone’s tone of voice or body language).
They can even appear when we’re supposed to be having fun. Ever felt oddly down or suddenly tired at a party or event? Yeah, us too.
Emotional hangovers look different for everyone, but they may show up as:
Extreme / chronic exhaustion and “bedrotting”
Anxiety attacks and other mental health symptoms
Being irritable, snappy, or short-tempered with others
The inability to focus on or think about anything else but the incident
An urge to “run away” through harmful distractions and coping mechanisms
Why do they tend to dominate our days? Is it possible to break free in a healthier way, and if so, how? Read on to find out.
🌪️ Why Emotional Hangovers Take Over Our Days
⏳ They genuinely take time to process and recover from. Even “small” things like an unkind word from a friend can throw your day out of whack.
🥞 They “stack” on top of everything else. Emotional hangovers don’t happen in isolation, and they are heavy. No wonder you feel like you’re about to topple over!
🧠 They’re made worse by mental health difficulties. For people who are neurodivergent or living with trauma, emotional hangovers also include symptoms, not just intense feelings.
🔭 Our brains are wired to look for and react to danger. This helped us survive in prehistoric times, but isn’t as useful in a modern world where “danger” is more likely to involve emails than actual predators.
🥊 They can be especially intense when we haven’t “done” anything to deserve them. Ever caught strays from a person or situation that didn’t have anything to do with you? When that happens, that extra “This isn’t fair / I didn’t deserve this” feeling can intensify and prolong the hangover.
Knowing this, how can you unhook yourself from your hangover? Let’s explore 4 ways.
⛓️💥 How to Break Free
🤏 Know your emotions don’t determine your whole self
Compare these 2 statements:
I’m worthless.
I feel worthless.
Which one is more true, do you think? The second one, right?
The first one is a state of being: a comment on who you are as an entire person. If you took that thought to “court” and demanded “evidence” to prove it, you’d find it quickly falls apart.
The second is more true and effective because it adds distance between your self and your emotions. (Remember, you are so much more than just 1 temporary feeling.)
Try to catch yourself making any “I am…” statements, especially for negative self-talk. Then, try gently switching to “I feel…” instead.
🫂 Self-soothe if you can’t “fix” things right now
We’ve talked about self-soothing a lot, because it’s an awesome technique for tolerating distress when you can’t change things immediately.
Self-soothing is all about appealing to your 6 senses (including movement, which we’ll cover in a mo).
The goal isn’t to regulate yourself so you can jump right back into “fixer” mode, or get back to your “productive” life. It’s simply to give your brain something different to focus on according to what you like and value.
Examples:
Listening to songs / sounds that help you feel calmer
Using a fidget toy or worry stone
Looking at something visually pleasing (a painting, a nature video)
🫀 Tend your body as much as your mind
Emotions don’t just show up in our minds; they manifest in our bodies, too.
Pay attention to where your emotional hangover is showing up in your body. It’s okay if you don’t know, or if it seems like it’s taking over your whole physical self.
Meet yourself where you are. Get curious about any sensations you’re feeling. (Versus trying to swat them away as fast as you can.)
Don’t be afraid to keep digging to find the root of your emotions and sensations. You might learn something new about how you process and respond to life’s difficulties.
☔️ Acknowledge when you’re unable to break free
Sometimes, the only way out is through. (And yeah, it sucks.)
Fighting hard to “get away” from a feeling tends to only reinforce it.
If that’s the case for any of your emotional hangovers, recognize that your brain and body need more time to recover. And then give yourself however much time and space you need.
If you’re worried that you might be dwelling on something for longer than needed, ask yourself: “Am I feeling my feelings right now, or fixating on them?”
🪅 Flocus Picks
A curated list of things worth sharing.
The Spotlight Effect (The Flow Archives) — If you tend to overthink how others see you (especially when you slip up), this one’s for you! How to move through your days with less fear, knowing there’s no “spotlight” shining down on your every move
When to Care What Other People Think (The Flow Archives) — And how to know when you can safely release the judgments of others
Interrupt Anxious Thoughts (Podcast Episode) — A gentle, guided meditation through the RAIN technique for disrupting your anxious habits from The Daily Shine
✨ Flocus: Your Personal Productivity Dashboard
Emotional hangovers make it hard to focus on anything. Flocus keeps your workspace calm and distraction-free, so on the days when your mind is elsewhere, there's one less thing pulling at your attention.
🗳️ POLL: What does an emotional hangover usually look like for you?
As much as emotional hangovers hurt, they have important lessons to teach you about yourself, your boundaries, and your expectations from your relationships.
And remember: Every storm eventually runs out of rain. ⛅️
What’d you think of this one? A little heavier than our usual, but we needed to write it just as much as you may have needed to read it! (You can trust this week’s tips are battle-tested 🤺)
Until next Sunday,
Flocus Team
