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Hey {{ first name | there }}! Welcome back to The Flow by Flocus. If you’re new around here, welcome! 👋 You can catch up on our previous editions right here.
This week: We’re rooting out where most of your stress really comes from. Why this hidden cause is so hard to spot, plus how to get better at resolving it. Let’s dig in.
📍 Where Most of Your Stress (Probably) Comes From
We’re willing to bet most of your stress and anxiety doesn’t actually come from your schedule and workload.
It comes from the invisible standards you’ve developed and learned over time, including:
👔 The rules you set for yourself — All of your goals likely came with a list of rules attached (Examples: Drink more water / Get up earlier / Study more consistently).
🌙 The “ideal” person you dream of becoming — If you’ve got a detailed vision for how “future you” looks and behaves, it’s hard not to feel disappointed on the days you can’t make that vision a reality.
🌎 The expectations society places on you — From school to family to the general public, social conditioning is everywhere. It’s hard to know how to respond to this barrage of inputs, especially when rejecting them can cause friction in so many areas.
Invisible standards like these “hook” us because they feel like absolute truth.
They’re also hard to spot because they come from all sorts of places. Some are valid, while others make no sense at all.
Before we explore how they tend to show up in life, know that not all invisible standards are a “bad” thing. A healthy amount of internal pressure is good; it keeps you moving forward.
With that in mind, let’s explore some real examples of invisible standards you’ve likely dealt with at some point.
What Invisible Standards Look Like in Real Life
😰 “I can’t do this, what would [person] think?”
😞 “I should [be productive / stop procrastinating / work harder]”
😢 “My [hair / clothes / appearance] are terrible.”
😪 “No one really likes me, they just tolerate me.”
🫤 “I’m not as [smart / worthy / talented] as [person].”
This is just a handful of examples we’ve grappled with in the past.
Any time you catch yourself comparing, or feeling like there’s a critical voice in your mind that doesn’t “belong” to you — it’s likely an invisible standard.
Now that you know what they are and how they show up, how can you get better at fending them off? Read on to find out.
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Now, here’s how to tackle your invisible standards!
🥡 How to Unpack Your Invisible Standards
🪪 1. Name them
We’ve said it a lot, but self-awareness really is the first step for so many of the mental resilience techniques you’ll use in life.
Simply recognizing that you’re feeling some friction (even if you can’t quite figure out where it’s coming from yet) is a big first step toward breaking through it.
🔍 2. Find the source(s)
Try exploring where you think the pressure might be coming from.
It could stem from someone in your life: a parent, a teacher, a friend. Or it might come from a more abstract source: society’s expectations, the internet, a group or organization.
Some standards come from multiple places, while some may not appear to have a “source” at all.
Regardless of what conclusions you reach, keep digging. You might be surprised at what you uncover about how other people’s expectations are impacting your life.
♻️ 3. Replace it
Affirmations, opposite actions, and other mindset techniques can add some emotional distance, helping you see things more clearly.
Here are a few options for your self-care toolbox:
Instead of: “I have to be productive” → Try: “It’s okay to be consistent vs. intense”
Instead of: “[Person] is better than me” → Try: “Flowers and birds are both beautiful in unique ways, and the same is true for us”
Instead of: “What would [person] think about this?” → Try: “How do I feel about this decision / situation, and what would help me feel more confident about my feelings?”
🪅 Flocus Picks
A curated list of things worth sharing.
When to Care What Other People Think (The Flow Archives) — An oldie but a goodie, this throwback from our archives breaks down when you should care what others think (and how to truly let go of the rest)
Quieten Your Inner Critic (Video) — Practical tips for repurposing that inner critical voice in your head into something useful and helpful
bubblegum beats (Playlist) — Two hours of pink-plush melodies for your next lowkey study or chill sesh
✨ Flocus: Your Personal Productivity Dashboard
When you’re constantly measuring yourself against invisible standards, it helps to have one calm, intentional space that’s yours. Flocus gives you a gentle home base to organize your priorities without the noise of comparison, pressure, or outside expectations.
🗳️ POLL: Which one hits hardest right now?
The next time you feel “hooked” by an invisible standard, we hope you’ll remember these tips. It’ll take a lot of practice, but once you start noticing them, you’ll get faster at it!
What’d you think of this one? Do you struggle with invisible standards? Got tips for learning to trust yourself? We’d love to hear ‘em — sound off in the replies!
Until next Sunday,
Flocus Team
