🙂‍↔️ How to Say No

Hey there! Welcome back to The Flow by Flocus. If you’re new around here, welcome! 👋  You can catch up on our previous editions right here.

This week: It’s all about saying “no” — when to say no, and how to stand your ground when your boundaries are tested. Let’s jump in!

☝️ First, Let’s Get Realistic

Most people won’t be able to say “no” to everything they don’t want to do. At least, not without consequences.

For example, if you live with your parents, you (usually) can’t decline things they ask you to do. And if you’re in school or working, you can’t simply say “no” to assignments from your teacher or boss.

Plenty of other things in life — from taxes to utility bills — won’t allow you to just say “no” whenever you feel like it. We know it sucks, but it’s just one of those tricky facts of life that we all have to accept.

So how can you maintain your boundaries and protect your peace despite this? Scroll on to find out!

🙂‍↔️ How to Pick What to Decline

With those limitations in mind, how do you know what you can safely say “no” to?

Here are some questions you can ask yourself to find out:

• 🏔️ Does this activity align with my goals, values, and needs? Your answer to this question will help you most in figuring out your next move.

• ⏰ How much time do I think this will take? Then double it to account for unforeseen roadblocks or challenges.

• 🤔 What’s in it for me? Some tasks may not have a clear or obvious benefit to you — for example, helping a friend move out of their apartment.

• 🎲 What are the consequences of saying no? Knowing the worst-case consequences of declining something can boost your confidence when making decisions.

Now that you know what to say “no” to, let’s look at how to do it.

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Now, here’s how to get better at saying no!

🙅‍♀️ How to Say “No”

As you practice flexing your “no” muscle, keep these tips in mind.

🗣️ Practice, practice, practice

When the time comes to decline something, you may feel difficult emotions or sensations. Your heart might race, your hands might shake, and your tone might falter.

To prevent this, try practicing your half of the conversation before the big moment comes. Write down everything you’d like to say, then trying reading it out loud. If it helps, anticipate some things you think the other person might say, and practice your response.

Pay attention to your body language too, especially your posture and tone of voice.

The more you practice, the better you’ll get at it. Peep this week’s Picks below for 50 phrases you can try!

😓 Reflect on past things you wish you’d declined

Everyone has said “yes” to doing something, only to regret agreeing to it later on.

Think back on some of those things:

• Why did you say yes when you should’ve said no?

• How did that experience make you feel?

• What did that decision cost you?

These fumbles show you what you should avoid agreeing to in the future.

🤷‍♀️ You don’t know what you don’t know

At some point, you’ll say “yes” to an opportunity you think is a good fit — only for it not to work out in the end.

When this happens, don’t be hard on yourself. You won’t know the reality of a project or opportunity until you get stuck in.

In these situations, the best thing to do is try to get out as soon as you realize it’s not working out. (We’ll talk more about this in an upcoming send, so stay tuned!)

🎛️ It’s okay to change your mind later

Whether you accept or decline something, it’s perfectly fine to change your mind in the future. This goes for job opportunities, college majors, and everything in between.

🪅 Flocus Picks

A curated list of things worth sharing.

• 4 Types of Luck (The Flow Archives) — Need some guidance on when to say “yes”? This edition from The Flow archives has got you covered!

• The Art of Saying No (Video) — In this 10-minute TED Talk, Kenny Nguyen explores why saying “no” is key for self-respect and self-confidence.

• 50 Ways to Say No Politely, Without the Guilt (Article) — Practice these “no” statements so you’re able to decline things with tact and grace in the future.

✨ Flocus: Your Personal Productivity Dashboard

Ready to protect your peace this year? Use Flocus to follow through on your true intentions.

Our customizable focus timer, task list, and calming ambient worlds make it easy to prioritize what actually matters to you.

Now that you know how to say no and what to say no to, stay tuned for next week. We’ll show you how to slash the time you “waste” on an opportunity that’s not a good fit.

Until next Sunday,

Flocus Team